


Someday, together

by utena_himemiya



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Angst, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Shoujo Kakumei Utena Aduresensu Mokushiroku | Adolescence of Utena, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-31 20:29:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21151751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/utena_himemiya/pseuds/utena_himemiya
Summary: Utena's eyelids fluttered. Everything was dark and dull and cool. In the back of her mind she could faintly remember pain, desperation and… immense sadness. She'd failed at something, she'd failed someone...Utena realizes things after that fateful duel, but everything is not as it seems.





	Someday, together

**Author's Note:**

> I'll warn you guys, this hasn't been beta'd, I'm bad at making paragraphs and I haven't rewatched this show in a really long time so there are probably some errors in the tense and some canonical innacuracies but it's mainly canon compliant. This is how I imagine the ending to ease my pain. It's heavily inspired by the ending of the 'adolescence of utena' manga which has, in my opinion, the best ending compared to that of series and the movie. Have some Angst and then some extremely sweet fluff, yeehaw

Utena's eyelids fluttered. Everything was dark and dull and cool. In the back of her mind she could faintly remember pain, desperation and… immense sadness. She'd failed at something, she'd failed someone.

Someone she cared about, someone she'd desperately wanted to save. And yet, she knew she'd had it all wrong. Whoever it was she was trying to save hadn't wanted to be saved, they hadn't needed Utena's help, at least not in the prince caricature-like way she'd attempted it.

The girl she'd blindly tried to help had lived years, perhaps thousands of them, with people who didn't care what she wanted. She'd gone too long being a prize, a princess, a witch, whatever everyone else wanted her to be. And even though Utena had thought that she herself was different, she'd treated the other girl in exactly the same way. A wave of guilt came over Utena as a tremor ran through her body. Suddenly she remembered everything.

Anthy. Sweet, docile, kind Anthy. The Rose bride. The Anthy who had come to live with Utena in her dorm room all those months ago. The Anthy who had cleaned their room impeccably that first night and every week from then on. The Anthy who couldn't cook to save her life and had fed Utena way too many bowls of lemon shaved ice because of it. The Anthy who loved animals probably more than she loved herself, her best friend - the monkey Chu-chu as well as all the other random animals she'd briefly taken in before rehabilitating and setting free. The Anthy who played piano like an angel and tended to the roses in the greenhouse. The Anthy who had plunged a sword into Utena's back and then had hundreds of swords impale her own body.

Since that moment during her final duel, and every terrible moment thereafter, Utena had realized that she'd felt no sense of betrayal. Perhaps from Akio, actually, definitely from Akio, but none from Anthy.   
The only time Anthy had truly hurt her was with what she'd said to her. While Utena was laying bleeding on the ground Anthy had told Utena that she could never be Anthy's prince, because of the simple fact that she was a girl. At that moment Utena had realized two things ; one, that she'd had it all wrong the whole time, Anthy had had more than enough princes in her life and for what? Princes weren't the noble heroes Utena had been led to believe. If Akio and, to a lesser extent, Touga were any indication of that then Utena had to assume that princes could be as cruel and self serving as any other men.  
Secondly, Utena had realized that she was absolutely in love with Anthy. Perhaps, deep down, she'd known for months, from the moment she'd seen Anthy. Her brown skin and her kind green eyes, her gentle mysterious smile that hid so much pain and suffering. When Utena had realized this, that she loved the other girl, she'd been lit from the inside with an understanding and joy so bright that for a moment she forgetten her pain and the way she'd failed. Then the situation she was in had sunk in all over again. She'd been treating Anthy so badly. 

Somehow she'd been pulled in by Akio, he'd manipulated her, he'd manipulated them all, gentle Miki and noble Juri, innocent Nanami and even the aggressive Saionji and manipulative Touga. Akio had tricked them all, took advantage of them in the worst possible ways. Utena could barely think about what she herself had been made to do. The way she'd felt afterwards, like she'd betrayed Anthy and even worse, like she'd betrayed herself. And then there was Anthy, the one who had been hurt by Akio the worst. Up until very recently Utena had blamed Anthy for that, she'd known what Anthy was doing, what she was essentially being forced do and she'd despised Anthy for it. Utena was sure she would never forgive herself for the way she'd treated Anthy during that short period where she'd been as fooled by Akio as everyone else. 

Even before that fateful duel she'd realized at least some of the mistakes she'd made. It had taken her witnessing Anthy try to throw herself off of a building to make her realize it but she had and they'd reconciled but it hadn't been enough to completely snap Utena out of her nobility related selfishness. It was only when she was bleeding out on the floor of the castle of eternity that she'd realized the meaning of the last few months, the duels where she'd fought for Anthys freedom, the late nights spent talking in bed side by side, the quiet moments in the rose garden. Utena had always thought that she'd never be truly happy again after her parents died. There were moments with her best friend Wakaba, and even with the other duelists, Miki and Juri and for a short time, Touga, when she'd thought she felt something close to happiness. And maybe it was happiness, that sense of normalcy. Swapping bento boxes with Wakaba at lunch, playing badminton and joking around with Juri and Miki while Nanami sulked nearby, talking under the stars with Touga. In her lowest moment Utena realized that she treasured all those moments, all the duelists had become friends to her. Even Saionji, Nanami and Touga to a degree. But she also realized that all those moments, all those precious memories, paled in comparison to every moment she'd shared with Anthy. Even, or rather, especially the moment they'd shared on the ledge of Akio's building, after Anthy had tried to kill herself. When they'd talked more than they ever had and Utena had realized just how little she'd actually paid attention to Anthys feelings. Even though there were things she still didn't understand about Anthy, like her dark past that was somehow even darker than her present suffering, Utena wanted to fight for Anthy. Though she'd only remembered it vaguely and recently, she realized that she'd wanted to fight for Anthy for a long time, ever since she was a child, back when she'd first met her "prince". And if she didn't act soon, the exact same suffering she'd witnessed Anthy in would continue to befall her again and again. 

With all those thoughts swirling in Utena's pain addled mind she'd made her way to the doors that held eternity. She no longer cared about Akio or miracles, she had just wanted to see Anthy, safe and herself. She had known she couldn't save her, only Anthy could save herself but Utena had also known she had to try. When Utena had reached the doors and pulled herself up, it had felt as if her chest was on fire where she'd been stabbed. As she pried the doors apart it felt as though her fingertips were being torn off , but she hadn't cared. After what felt like years, the doors had slid open and there she was. 

Anthy had seemed to be asleep, in a coffin, of all things. Even in her state the irony had not been lost on Utena but she could only think of how she never wanted to see Anthy in a coffin again, of how she wanted to take her place, take her pain away once and for all. "Anthy" Utena had called out, it was barely a whisper but to her relief Anthys eyes had fluttered open. As soon as she saw Utena her eyes had filled with tears, there was none of the hatred Utena had seen there after Anthy had stabbed her. Just the same kind of pain Utena herself was feeling. The pain of, despite having tried so hard and spent all that time living together and getting to know each other, they'd still failed in their battle against fate. No. Utena had decided, she wouldn't let that fate descend on Anthy, not again. She'd witnessed it once as a child and countless times in different ways since they'd met again at Ohtori academy but she wouldn't let it happen again. More than anything, she wanted Anthy to be able to live a normal life, to have friends and play piano and make her own decisions. And while Utena couldn't save her, for that was up to Anthy, she could help her. Anthy had always been the one to suffer, to offer herself up, to sacrifice. Just once, Utena didn't want Anthy to be the one who gave herself up.

She'd reached for Anthys hand, desperately trying to close the distance between them one last time. "Anthy" she'd said again. Anthy had begun to cry, her hands plastered over her mouth. Seeing the guilt in her eyes was almost unbearable to Utena, before she did whatever she was about to do to help Anthy she needed the other girl to know something. "Anthy, I'm sorry" Utena said, reaching her hand out as far as she could. Anthy sobbed audibly before tentatively reaching out her own hand. "Anthy, I need you to know, the only time I was ever happy, was when I was with you" . Finally their hands met in the middle, their fingertips intertwining. "Utena" Anthy whispered, the pain and regret for all she'd done evident in her voice. "I'm so sorry Utena" she'd choked out. Utena clutched the other girl's hand tighter, Anthy's slender fingers catching on her rose crest ring. "Anthy…" Utena felt like they were a broken record at that point but there was so much she wanted to say and yet here in front of Anthy, the girl she was in love with, she couldn't even begin to express any of the resolve she'd gathered on her way to the door. The only way she could express to Anthy what she wanted for her, the life she wanted Anthy to have, would have to be through her actions.

As if in response to her thoughts, everything began to shift, behind Utena, the same swords that had impaled Anthy countless times all those years ago and had been until Utena had opened the doors of eternity, suddenly turned towards Utena from where they'd been hovering in the air. At the same time the distance between the two girls had begun to increase, their hands were slowly being wrenched apart. All around them the castle of eternity had begun to collapse.

In the back of Utena's mind she wondered where Akio had gone and she hoped he'd suffer but it was too late to see to that, she already had too many other regrets on her mind.

Their hands had parted as Anthy fell, Utena's ring clutched in Anthys hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you Anthy" Utena had sobbed as she leaned over the doors, as everything fell away around her and the shadows of the swords closed in. Then everything had gone dark.

Utena's eyelids fluttered once more as she was drawn from her dark contemplation by a warm hand touching her face. "Utena?" a gentle whisper enveloped by the soft fragrance of lemon syrup and roses. "Utena, wake up" there was a soft hitch in the voice, with muted shock Utena realized it was laughter. Utena finally opened her eyes.

"Utena,did you sleep through it all or..." Anthy giggled, a hand cupped around Utena's cheek. Utena's brow furrowed. "Anthy? What?" she mumbled, the inside of her head felt like cotton, she'd just had a bad dream that had been so vivid but now she couldn't grasp it. It had dissipated like smoke. Utena raised her hand to cover Anthy's on the side of her face as tears spilled over her cheeks. Anthy frowned "Utena? What's wrong?". Utena shook her head. "I… I Just..I got this feeling… I don't know why, but I'm starting to think that, no matter what happens… I have to do the best I can… To live my life…" Anthy smiled gently, leaning in "somehow, I know exactly what you mean". As Anthys thumb swiped over the tears under Utena's eye she closed the distance between them. As their lips met Utena knew that it wasn't their first kiss, or even their second or third, but somehow it felt new. 

Eventually they broke apart. "We have to stop coming to these planetarium shows if you're just going to fall asleep everytime" Anthy complained as she stood up from her seat. The lights came back on and most of the crowd had already filtered from the auditorium. Utena stood up too, her eyes roaming down Anthys body as the shorter girl stretched leisurely. Her long dark hair was loose and she wore a pretty ankle length dress with a thick belt slung over her hips. Anthy caught her appraisal. "Pervert" she scolded with a suggestive wink. Utena scoffed. "Have you always been this cheeky?" she chided. Anthy took on a mock pensive stance, holding up a finger to her chin. "Mmmmm, yep pretty much" she decided with a grin. Utena pulled her long sleeved shirt up from where it had slipped down her shoulder and adjusted her cuffed jeans. "Uh huh" she rolled her eyes jokingly.

As they joined hands Utena glanced at the ring on Anthys left ring finger, she subtly raised Anthys hand to get a better look at it, it was a narrow silver band with a simple stone on the front, she wondered why she'd thought it would bear some sort of rose insignia. After all, Utena was one who had bought the ring in the first place. With a glance to her own hand she reaffirmed the presence of her own matching ring. Anthy walked around to stand in front of Utena, she must have noticed Utena's mini investigation because she raised Utena's left hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to her ring finger. 

"Utena" she smiled gently, her signature Anthy smile."Let's go home". Utena pressed a kiss to Anthys forehead and looked towards the screen of the planetarium, the show she'd slept through had been on the planet Venus. "Okay". As they left the planetarium hand in hand, they didn't look back.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that didn't suck and that it actually made sense! Their outfits and what Utena says after waking up at the end are almost directly from the adolescence manga, I just thought it was really cute. I tried to give them a more modern, equal grounds kind of dynamic at the end? I wanted to showcase a happy, playful Anthy. Anyway thanks for reading, it's much appreciated. I might write an Anthy companion piece of how I would have liked her part of the story to end (spoiler alert she'd use Utena's ring to pull up a sword and fucking murder Akio before making the movie exit with the Utena car and then it cuts to the planetarium scene with them being happy and married). This was really long, thanks again for reading!


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